Smiling But We're Close to Tears
by Killerturtles
Summary: The war hurt a lot of people. Destroyed many lives. But it also healed the lives of two people, who were thrown together, in war filled with desperation and hate. A drabble. Read and review!


**A/N: Hello readers! What up? Okay, so … let's get on with it!**

**Dedication: My best friend Claire Valva – the Lavender to my Hermione. Sorta. That was a conversation we had that was essentially my inspiration for this.**

**Title: Smiling But We're Close to Tears**

**Summary: The war hurt a lot of people. Destroyed many lives. But it also healed the lives of two people, who were thrown together, in war filled with desperation and hate. A drabble. Read and review! **

**Genre: Angst (I guess) and Romance**

**Pairings: Lavender Brown / Hermione Granger**

**Warnings: Nothing to bad, or really explicit. It's way AU, and Lavender is a bit OOC. Also, I know next to nothing about OCD or the psychological effects of war, but just run with it. Also, SLASH. No offence meant to any religious groups. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Heck, I don't even own the TITLE of this fic. **

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Hermione

She was …

Never fitting in

(until Hogwarts. Until Harry and Ron. At Hogwarts, she was safe. Harry saved her. And Ron came along for the ride)

A fighter

(That's why, even though he saved her, she will always hate Harry a little bit. He always makes her fight. Challenged her. Hermione didn't want to fight anymore. She was tired of challenges.)

Risking everything

(For a society that scorned her. For a community that would always look down upon her with disgust or pity.)

On another level

(Not that anyone cared. Not that anyone could get it. The thirst for knowledge. The laughable ease casting spells was for her. Harry and Ron never got it. They gave it all up before they even knew what it was. But Hermione got it. She saw all that she could've done. Could've been.)

Smiling through it all

(all that pain. Just sat and smiled. Acted like it was all okay. A façade. No one looked close enough to see. She never forgave Ron for that one. She thought she loved him. He couldn't even really see her.)

Always taken for granted

(Harry and Ron and everyone just looked right there. Oh, look, just Hermione. Just Hermione with a nose in her book again. Whatever. Old news. Everyone just looked through her. Never saw her, only saw right through her. Until …)

Alone

(The biggest. She never really had anyone. Practically raised herself. With parents never around, no friends, no one who wanted Hermione. Hogwarts saved her, but she never really got rid of the scars. Then the war, and everyone had scars. So hers were buried. And no one wanted her or her problems.)

Lavender

She was …

Always fitting in

(She always had a place. But sometimes, that place was a cage. A cage she locked herself in for safety, but still a trap. Like the caged bird, Lavender couldn't sing.)

Advocating peace

(Lavender never wanted to fight. She saw a million ways without bloodshed. She saw a million conversations avoiding violence. There was too much violence at home. Hogwarts saved her. Until the battle. Until the day Hogwarts turned on her and succumbed to the violence that ripped into people souls, the blinding rage that only caused pain.)

OCD

(No one even noticed. Except one person, no one noticed her counting everything. Words, sentences, calories, steps, bites, everything. No one cared.)

A shell

(They didn't know her. Her friends knew "Lavlav". They didn't know the Lavender Brown who wanted to be a healer. Who wanted to tour the world giving peace talks. Who studied Ghandi and King and the Dali Lama and Jesus Christ. The Lavender that hung onto the words of the bible, the Qur'an, Talmud, the girl who believed in one God, who believed in his message of love and acceptance. They didn't see the rosary beads under her pillow, or the cross she had tattooed to her chest.

Until

Together they were …

Strong

(They didn't have to heal themselves anymore; the scars faded with each touch, with each kiss.)

Better

(No longer alone, finally fitting; finally free. Finally had someone to help them; someone to understand.)

Loved

(Now they had someone. Someone Lavender would kill for, and Hermione would die for. Better than it all, they had each other.)

Happy

(And that's all that really matters in the end, isn't it?)


End file.
